The trees have to go....

The thing that most attracted me to our neighborhood was the mature trees. Lots of large oaks, sweet gums, dogwoods, and magnolias. Very southern.

I fell in love with our home the moment I saw it. I immediately envisioned our family playing in the backyard, grilling out on the patio, eating breakfast in front of the large bay windows in the kitchen. The yard had huge trees, making it a semi-shaded property--perfect for azaleas, hydrangeas, and hot humid days. That night I went home and started dreaming about what I would do with all that land. (Ok, it's not that much, but much larger than the 25 square-foot patio we had at the condo.)

There are four large trees in the front yard: a sweet gum, a beautiful mature Bradford pear, and two unidentified trees (see the tree to the left, above). My brother, a timber buyer, spent an afternoon with me researching the Internet and trying to figure out what they are. Maybe some type of wild cherry tree?? We couldn't really decide.

There are two things we do know: (1) these are deciduous trees and (2) they are indigenous to this area (we know that because no one in their right mind would ever actually plant these trees). These trees are EVIL!!! We discovered, within about two days, that they drip sap. All over our cars. Black sticky sap. The kind you have to really scrub to get off. We would wash our cars, only to wake up the following day and find our cars covered in sticky black goo. And as if that isn't gross enough, the sap attracted aphids, who would then get stuck.

So we were washing our cars weekly. Bi-weekly if we had the time. I even tried running the car through one of those automatic car washes. Connor took one look out the sap-stained window and announced, "It's still dirty, Mommy. It's still dirty." I hate it when he's right.

Winter came, and the trees stopped sapping. But we know soon enough we'll have to deal with it all over again. So we've decided to cut down the trees. And since the sweet gum tree is mangled and diseased-looking (and drops those stupid thorny balls that I hate), it's going as well. We're going to spend $1,500+ to remove the trees that attracted me to the house in the first place.

A few weeks ago, on a perfect spring day, I was lying on the patio looking at the tops of the trees over the house. I could see tiny buds starting to form all over these trees. For a moment I felt a little sorry for them. Poor things. They're just going about their business, budding as usual, with no idea that soon they will be chopped down (yes, I ascribe emotions to non-living things).

But the following day when I stepped outside I discovered the cars were covered in pollen. Yep. The stupid trees pissed yellow pollen all over our cars, yard, driveway. Everywhere. I have been sick ever since.

So the trees have to go.